Richard BF

Ten ways to improve the Olympics opening ceremony.

1. Don’t bring on the athletes. The ceremony starts at around 8:40pm. Skip the middle 5 hours or whatever it is, and we’d be all done and home in bed by 9:30pm.
2. Only bring on the women athletes, this way most of the middle east is skipped (I was watching and counting, so don’t bother arguing the point) and we end up with smatterings of Europe, Africa, Asia and the Americas. We’d be home by 10pm, and 90% of the male audience and 10% of the female audience would have something pretty damn fine to look at.
3. Bring on the pistol and skeet shooters first and have them take pot shots at the rest of the athletes as they come on, then we’ll see how many want to march on.
4. Do a full dress rehearsal (the teams don’t get to rehearse usually), video it, then on the actual night of the ceremony, play back on the big screen the part where the athletes march on, but at 8x speed.
5. Only let athletes march on who are at their first Olympics.
6. Leave the centre area flooded with water when the athletes march on, but to make it more interesting, make it deeper.
7. Mark the beginning and end of the athletes marching on with advertising subcodes, so that my TiVo skips it.
8. Fill the artificial lake with oil instead of water.
9. Drug test the athletes, and don’t let them in unless they’re clean. We’d get a dozen at most, and be home by 9:45pm.
10. Don’t broadcast it.